Hope After Loss: Baby Steps

I think this blog is the one I am most excited about.

On June 2nd, 2023 I was going to Greenville for our camping trip with friends. On the way down I was telling my friend how I had found two options. One was a local Dr. who lived five minutes away from the house and specialized in a certain program and the other was a program in Florida. When I found out my tube was blocked I started researching for any option that would result in an opened tube, not removing my tube altogether.

I decided when we got back from that trip I would call the local office and inquire about seeing the doctor. When I called that Monday I was told she was booked and was not accepting new appointments for “NaPro” until October. I said, “Okay, well put me down.” Then I received a phone call asking further questions. I explained I wasn’t even sure “NaPro” was what I needed unless my tube could be opened. I ended up being scheduled for an appt in July to see what my options were. When the appt showed up on my chart it gave the option to click “get on the waitlist” so I clicked it. By Friday, June 9th I had an appt for Monday, June 12th.

When I went in for the first appointment we discussed what I had been told. It was agreed we would do a selective HSG and evaluate the tube, if it were closed she would try to open the tube with pressure and fluid. When I was getting ready to leave her office she said, “By the way, I don’t know how you got this appointment. My chart waitlist is supposed to be blocked.” I looked at her and without a second thought said, ” I pray.”

When I went to the front desk to check out and handed them the order for the HSG, the lady said, ” I can’t believe she is scheduling this, she’s been booked for procedures.” Again, I said, “All I know is I prayed for this.”

Honestly, when I got in the car I was a little upset. I felt like I had “broken rules” and that is not the type of person I am, at all. I genuinely couldn’t decide if I should be happy, because all I could think was I did something wrong. Then, that sweet little voice of Jesus said, “Be happy my child. I opened these doors for you.” (I’m still crying about it while I type.)

On July 12th, one month later, I went in for my selective HSG. Y’all, I was scared. I knew God had gotten me to this point, but man was it a rollercoaster. I did not know what to expect. I can tell you it HURT. I was gripping that blanket while trying not to climb off the table. It took about 20 mins, but she opened up my tube. When I tell you everyone cheered, I mean even the radiology tech had tears in her eyes and cheered. (These were people who knew my story and I had previously worked with them.) I immediately started thanking God.

During that procedure, we were told she highly recommended we not attempt to conceive yet. She saw a spot that looked like endometriosis and she recommended we discuss surgery.

I did not see her again until August. In August, we discussed the concerns and symptoms I had of endometriosis. The only way to diagnose endo is through surgery. We planned surgery for January of 2024. When I left that appointment we began to pray that God would open the door for an earlier surgery, for multiple reasons.

Well, on September 14th, I was sitting at lunch, while on vacation with my in-laws, and received a message on my chart. There had been a surgery cancelled and the first person to respond got the surgery date. I immediately responded, without even looking at the date, and started crying. See, the thing is, you’ll never be able to convince me God doesn’t work out even the smallest of details. I was on a family trip to Fripp Island. Most days we were either at the beach or the pool. Had I been at either of those places, I wouldn’t have had my phone in my hand. However, this happened to be the day we decided to go shopping and have a girls’ day. We had just sat down for lunch, so my phone was literally in my hand.

It was about 2 hours later when I received a call that I had responded first, my insurance had approved and my new surgery date was October 11th, less than a month away!

Throughout this whole journey, I can honestly say I have strived to put my full trust in God and His greater plan and I can not even begin to explain the way it felt to watch God literally tear down walls so I could just keep walking.

On October 11th I had surgery. It was a 3-4 hour surgery and it hurt. On Wednesday night after surgery, I was questioning what in the world I had done. However, the surgery was successful. I was told I had deep infiltrating endometriosis in my ovaries, pelvic cavity, and several other places. All of it was removed. I plan to do a whole blog on endometriosis so we’ll talk more about that later, but for now, I am grateful the surgery was successful.

There have been additional tests and diagnoses given that we are currently treating. I take hormones throughout my cycle, lots of vitamins, and medications to help me ovulate. We found out my thyroid works way too fast causing the temperature in my body to be irregular which causes certain enzymes to not work properly. I over make insulin, so my sugar will rapidly crash. I tell you all of this to say, DO NOT ACCEPT UNEXPLAINED AS AN ANSWER. It is a lazy diagnosis. If you have been told that I am so, so sorry. Everything I have listed above is being treated and is currently in the normal range.

In November, we were told we could resume trying with the next cycle. We went from an appointment to see the doctor the first time in October to TRYING again in November.

Yes, we are still waiting. We are still tweaking things. However, I fully believe in God’s perfect timing He will break this wall of infertility and we’ll walk right through it. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He probably tore down a couple of bricks while I was typing.

I don’t know what you’re praying for right now and I don’t know what your journey looks like, but I know who does. Don’t give up! I am personally praying that you see your breakthrough. That God tears down walls for you and he opens doors that you can’t possibly open for yourself. I pray that he speaks to you so loudly, that you think he is yelling.

When he does, don’t forget to give Him the glory. He is more than deserving.