Hope After Loss: Baby Steps

Well, it’s been June since I wrote anything on here. That seems like forever ago and yesterday at the same time. I really haven’t had much to share. We’ve just been trusting God and taking it one day at a time.
I wasn’t going to share this. In fact, if you’re family or a close friend, please read the rest of this with grace. If you can’t, back out now because I’m going to be blunt and share something you don’t know.

In June, we were told for the second time that our next option was IVF. There was one more medication we could try, and that was it. Our case had been presented to a board of doctors across the US, and that was all they had. Now, before you say, “Why wouldn’t you just do that then?” Well, no one can tell us it will actually prevent a miscarriage. Second and most important, I continue to feel very strongly that God told us IVF is not our path. Third, it’s not that easy. Considering I had terrible endometriosis, IVF will bring that all back.

So, since we’ve addressed that— what next? Well, we prayed. I have prayed and continue to pray very intently that God guides our next steps.

Well, God is so good and directs our steps, if we allow Him to. After a four-year battle with infertility, we found out we were expecting in September! Man, what a surreal feeling. Nothing, I mean nothing, can explain the emotions that immediately overcame me that morning. It was an incredible amount of joy, gratitude, and slight fear.

Now, clearly this isn’t how I would announce my pregnancy, so obviously, we had another miscarriage. I don’t need to go into the details of that loss. It’s not the point of this blog. So, here goes the blunt part- I don’t need your “I’m so sorry text.” I know that sounds so rude, I don’t mean it to, I promise. What I’m saying is I can only respond “thank you” or “it’s okay” so many times because it’s not okay.
I fully believe recurrent pregnancy loss is from the enemy. God didn’t need my baby; He is all sufficient. God simply welcomed my baby with open arms. We live in a fallen world full of sin because Eve ate the apple. So, because we live in a sin-filled world, miscarriages happen.

So, if the point of the blog isn’t for the pity or I’m sorry text, why am I writing? Well, thanks for asking.

I’m writing because it has been so heavy on my heart to share this: someone reading this needs to know God is still good. How can I say that, having lost another child? Faith.

Let me share with you everything that happened during the cycle we got pregnant.
I had surgery at the start of the cycle- when she got in there, she said the polyp was gone and everything looked perfect.
On Aug 17th, while I was worshipping, the lord gave me a vision of a uterus with chains over it, but the chains were broken.
On Aug 20th, I received a message from a friend that she didn’t know why, but the lord was asking her to fast for me, and she was praying for a breakthrough over my womb. She was fasting that whole day.
Aug 27th- I got a text message, “Girl, this is weird, but I had a fan in the closet and this morning it was blowing your sticky like crazy on my prayer board.” —- This would be the day I was ovulating.
Aug 31st- one of the little boys at church asked me if I was having a baby.
The Sunday I found out, one of my five-year-olds at church said Mrs Megan, I got really angry when I prayed last night, and I told God we have been waiting too long, and he needed to give you a baby.
I mean, could there have been any more God winks?

Now, I will tell you this pregnancy was very short-lived. Before I could truly process, I was pregnant with labs increasing, my labs began to decrease. We were also on vacation this week, so I decided to stop getting labs and let nature take its course, whatever that may be.

I have dealt with some serious anger and serious hurt. I have asked God why He keeps allowing this a million times, and all I can gather is “make heaven crowded.”

Do you know what the Great Commission is?

Matthew 28:16-20
16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go.17 When they saw him, they worshipped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

We are called to make disciples. Now, do I think God means fill heaven with a bunch of babies? No. Like I said, I think miscarriage is from the enemy, but I do trust my babies are making heaven crowded.

So, why share the Great Commission? It’s my job. I can’t tell you the number of people who have heard our story and reached out to me in various ways. People who need prayer or are just thinking of us. People who are believers and some non-believers. I believe it is my job to share with you that, despite many losses, God is still good. He is holy and He is worthy to be praised. You, reading this, have been made perfectly in His image, and He loves you. He wants nothing more than a relationship with you.

I am in incredible awe of the fact that after four years of desperately interceding with the Lord, He answered. He answered!!! He allowed us to naturally get pregnant after being told twice that our only option was IVF. I also said God guides us if we allow. I told you I had been praying, asking God to direct our steps, and I believe this closed door opened another one.

We will be going down a new route that I believe is 100% ordained by God. This journey will be expensive and some uncharted territory, but I believe God will provide.
Please join us in praying that God continues to guide our steps and provides miraculously.

Again, if you’re reading this and mad you’re finding out about our miscarriage this way, just remember the last thing we ever want to do is send a text or call and say “we’ve lost another baby.” We’ve spent the last couple of weeks grieving and processing our next steps, inside our marriage.

To the enemy, you’ll never convince me my God isn’t good. You can keep forming weapons, but they will not prosper! He answers prayers. ❤️

Please enjoy the sweetest video of the sweetest moment between me and my bestie. Someone who has prayed with me, cried with me, and dealt with my pure craziness the last four years.

I believe we are nowhere near the end of our story. God is writing each page perfectly.