Hope After Loss: Baby Steps

Man, oh man, have we been fighting. I mean, here lately, it has really been one thing after another.

When I think of spiritual warfare I think of “fighting the enemy.” It’s so simple but complex. I was talking to a friend this week about spiritual warfare, what it is, and what’s included in that.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I think it’s a part of everyday life if you are a Christian. I think we are constantly fighting against the enemy and any fight against the enemy is spiritual warfare. I cannot beat him on my own. It requires the help of God.

Several weeks ago when we lost our dog I was angry. I was angry at everything. I just laid on the floor and told my husband I didn’t care if I got up. I just didn’t. I didn’t care if I showered. I didn’t care if we had food. I was mad. I really did not understand why God was allowing the enemy to attack us, yet again!

Like seriously, have we not proved our character yet?

Yes, we lost our dog and I was grieving him. Aiken was a huge part of our everyday life. We loved that little Boykin like he was our child, but for me, I was grieving our dog plus every other “no” we’ve been told in the last five years.

It hurt.

It came down to me having a real serious conversation with God. One that He probably already knew I was feeling, but I said it out loud. I went into my bedroom. Music blaring so Brice didn’t think I had completely lost my mind and I said, “God, I give up. I have nothing else left to give and right this minute I really don’t think you are for me. I try my best to trust you and give you praise even when we are told no, but I’m really running dry. If you don’t help me, I’m a liar. I tell everyone I’m okay and I know you’re in control but right now I don’t feel that. I need you to fix it.”

(So funny part, Brice walked in at some point during this conversation and I was like wow, I really feel God’s presence. I opened my eyes, it was Brice standing behind me and I jumped about 10 ft in the air.)

But truly it was all I knew to do. I’m not kidding when I say I felt a burden lift off my shoulders. It was like God said, “My child, thank you. This is all I wanted you to say. Now let me fix it, because you’re right. You can’t.”

I went from being depressed to showering, fixing my hair, doing my makeup, and even smiling. The simple things.

Now, believe me when I say everything isn’t perfect, but I am trying so hard to shift my perspective and see the good in every circumstance. God is teaching me when he says no, it’s because he has a better yes.

I planned on waiting for this to all play out before I shared it, but I felt God saying don’t get quiet now. Don’t be scared to share the good.

We started seeing a new doctor. After our first appointment, I cried. I felt so heard and validated. I even got mad at myself and said, “Why did you ever doubt God? Why were you so upset when you were without a doctor? Has God ever failed you? Will He ever fail you?

I don’t want to go into details because I don’t think they need to be shared, but I will tell you, when God tells you no, there is a better yes.

Maybe it’s not even God telling you no. Maybe it’s truly spiritual warfare and the enemy is attacking you from every single angle he can get to you.

Even then, I promise you God has an even better yes!

Our yes is playing out right in front of us. In the last two weeks, we’ve been given two huge answers with a treatment plan! The flesh side of me is so quick to be discouraged, let down, and angry when something doesn’t go the way I think it should. Again, spiritual warfare. However, I want to encourage you, when you’re in the middle of your “no” season, remind yourself God is good. He loves you. He has a better yes.

As always, thank you for the prayers. I still believe, without a doubt, that 2025 is our year to expect big things!