Merry Christmas.

Well, it has been several weeks since I last wrote a blog. I am always very open about the fact that I do what is best for my mental health and only blog when I feel mentally ready. I hope you have all had an amazing holiday season thus far. One thing about me is that I love the holidays, especially Christmas. Christmas has always been a huge deal in my family. That said, I try to focus all my energy on my family and friends during the holidays.

I also don’t have much to update you on. We are kind of at a standstill with our fertility journey, however that doesn’t mean the emotions are at a standstill. I wish they were. In fact, it’s been a very heavy couple of weeks. Most reasons are not my stories to share. I will, however, talk about one day in particular.

It was a Wednesday. It sucked. I know that’s a “bathroom word” as one of my church littles says, but it did. I woke up that morning honestly feeling so good. Ovulation was confirmed, dates were perfect in my head, and everything was going great. I was so happy. Then at 8:17 am, I received a phone call that destroyed me. We were told the doctor we had been anxiously waiting to see, was leaving the practice. We could still come to our appointment, but they wanted to make sure we knew, so we didn’t drive 3 hours to see a doctor one time. It took everything in me to say okay and make it off that phone call without tears. Thankfully, Brice was standing beside me at my desk, because when I hung up the phone I immediately put my hands over my face and crumbled. The heartbreak was almost unbearable. Brice wrapped me up and just held me. I will not lie when I tell you I questioned EVERYTHING at that moment, even God. How in the world would he allow another door to be shut? I felt like the enemy stomped on me, buried me, and threw a rock on top of the dirt pile. I texted two friends, and both responded with ” God’s lining things up for you. Trust Him.” Talk about wanna throw your phone, that’ll make you. However, they always spit the truth and for that I am grateful.

Well, I told y’all the day sucked. That was the start. The next bomb dropped when someone showed up at my door, followed by a third bomb that night. Again, they are not my stories to tell but I can tell you they were heavy burdens. I will also tell you I decided it was time to go to war. I had Alexia play ” I Speak Jesus” in the kitchen and we went to WAR. They were all battles I can not fight alone but thank goodness God is on my side. I spoke Jesus over the enemy, over infertility, over cancer, over quite a few things. It was truly the only word I had the strength to say. I’m so thankful “Jesus” is enough.

So as I sit here tonight I can tell you that by Friday I had overwhelming peace. Peace that I 100% can not explain to you. That Sunday at church we sang two songs about peace and the peace God provides through the Holy Spirit. I can not make it up. When I tell you God loves you enough to show up in every detail of your life, I mean it.

Now, here we are heading into Christmas and all I can tell you is I am trusting God to direct our next steps. I have no idea what they are. I don’t know when we will have a new plan and I feel like that should be scary, but it’s not. I am blessed. I love my life. I have the best family and the most amazing friends. For now, I will enjoy exactly where God has me.

If you pray for us, as always I say thank you. We feel it. On those hard days, like that Wednesday, I have no doubt in my mind someone was praying for me that day. Someone I probably could not even guess. I am grateful.

Merry Christmas from Brice and I.

Please enjoy the most perfect photo shoot by https://kristianjensenphotography.shootproof.com/

Thank you for capturing a small glimpse of the joy we share through this heartbreaking journey.