Hope After Loss: Baby Steps

So, last week I said I would take you with me on this journey in real time because we’re all caught up. However, I have decided it is in my best interest to take a break right now from trying to conceive. Now, not that I have to explain myself but I will. We are not giving up. I just believe God has called me to a time of fully surrendering to Him. I have been praying for quite some time that he would show me what surrender looked like when you have facts in front of you that say you need medication. It has taken a lot of strength to get to this point, but I believe God is calling me to walk in faith, trusting He is enough. 

Last Sunday at church before I had labs drawn or got the results I felt very strong in my spirit God told me “All you need is me. I am enough.” He hasn’t led me astray yet and I don’t think He will. 

This morning at church my Dad spoke on “Do we see ourselves the way God sees us.” I think one of the hardest parts of infertility is looking in the mirror. I will say it is for me. There are times I truly hate my body. I don’t even wanna look in the mirror because all I see is failure. I can’t give my husband a child. I can’t give my parents a grandchild. I fail my mother and father-in-law every month my husband doesn’t get to tell them I’m pregnant. It sucks. And my husband, parents, and in-laws can tell me till they are blue in the face that isn’t true, but the only person that can convince me I’m not a failure is God. 

My dad reminded me this morning during his message that God knew the exact path I would walk before I took my first breath. He knew the exact day I would say I can’t do this anymore and He loves me so much that His response is “Finally! I’ve been trying to tell you the whole time I made you perfectly the way I wanted you to be made. Put your faith in me. All is well.” 

On Thursday I received a text that said, “I was thinking about you this morning and I heard BREAK THROUGH! I seeked the Lord to make sure it was him and I heard IT IS WELL. God bless!!!🥰🤗🙏🙌. Holdfast!!” 

I don’t know when the breakthrough will happen and I don’t know God’s appointed time for us to become parents, but I do know He is faithful. His promises are true and He will not fail me. 

So, here’s to getting back to seeing myself as God sees me, as a testimony, as His child, wonderfully and perfectly made, with a story that is unique, beautiful, and meant to glorify Him.