Hope After Loss: Baby Steps

I feel like I can’t continue without first introducing Mac, my best friend. She is truly an example of God in the details. We always joke that God knew our parents could not handle us as childhood friends because we are the same person. He knew we had to be adult friends.

I first met Mac in 2018. My sister-in-law was doing a fake wedding shoot for her photography business and Mac was the bride, and I was a bridesmaid. After the shoot, we all went to San Jose. Up until this point I knew of Mackenzie, but had not really talked to her. Her brother was closer to my age and I knew him from youth. She lived in the town beside mine, so we didn’t go to school together, but she was dating someone I had grown up with since 5-year-old coaches pitch. After that night, we didn’t see each other again for a while.

In 2019 I was doing inpatient hospice nursing and Mackenzie was a nurse on the floor. If she had one of my patients, we would have to talk and she would sign off on my paperwork stating I had been there. She was pregnant at the time and we often had casual talk about that. We ended up finding out we lived less than 2 minutes away from each other and that was our sign, we had to get the boys to meet!

The first time we went over there was right after her sweet baby had been born. Brice and her husband hit it off immediately. We knew they would considering they both loved hunting. Mackenzie and I kept in touch, but shortly after that Covid happened and the world shut down. I was a nurse and she was home with a baby, so the last thing I wanted to do was take Covid to her family.

Come May 2020, I found out I was pregnant for the first time. Mac was selling a few items she wore while pregnant. I was all excited and bought a few items. I would say this was dumb, but this was exactly what was supposed to happen. As we know, shortly after I would miscarry. Mackenzie barely knew me at this point, but our friendship was growing and she was constantly checking on me. A few weeks later she invited us over for dinner with several friends. I was scared to death. I knew they were all close and we were the “new people”, but you would’ve never known. Sunday night dinners quickly became a tradition and Mac quickly became my best friend.

Fast forward to Nov 2020. Spoiler Alert! I have an ectopic pregnancy. I will go into the details of that in the next blog, but what you need to know is EVERYONE (including my husband) thought I was crazy! Not Mackenzie. She believed me. She knew something was wrong. I was hospitalized and sent home. Wanna know the first person at my door when I got home, Mac, with soup. She knew I had nothing left to give, was emotional, still in pain, but she was there. She would be the one who encouraged me to call the doctor one more time. She kept me calm. She texted me from the point things went south, till I was back home again.

Mac encouraged me to reach out to a new doctor, who I loved. She has endured two more losses with me. She always just showed up. She would just stop by. She brought food. She didn’t make me talk, we could just sit. I will share later even more ways she was a friend.

Now as I continue on this journey she pushes me forward. On days I have nothing left she always says, “I will hope for you when you have no hope left. I’ll carry the faith for both of us.”

She recently got pregnant and added a sweet little best friend to our group. She treated me NORMAL. She texted me the moment she found out. She included me in everything. She knew and understood there could be great joy while also deep hurt. She never expected me to be anything other than myself. I didn’t have to hide the hard days or the big emotions. Going through infertility and infant loss that is all you can ask of a friend.

Mackenzie, I will forever be grateful God aligned our friendship at just the perfect timing. I will never be able to thank you for our friendship. It probably sounds like we’re married at this point, but people take friendship way too lightly. God designed us to love one another and create friendships and bonds. Thank you for crying with me, celebrating with me, encouraging me, and hoping for me. Thank you for the constant reminders that God is in control. I was chosen for this story and it isn’t over yet.

Thank you in advance for celebrating with me the most, the day I deliver a sweet baby.